Honestly, right now, I wish I was dead....

This apostasy thing isn't going as I planned and I ended up hurting people I care about because of it. A smack here, a beat-down there. It's all good, right? I mean, they were shoving it down my throat and making me miserable so I might as well have killed them, no? I'm doing the right thing, aren't I? If I can't be true to even myself anymore, what the fuck am I doing here....?

My guitar doesn't even cheer me up anymore, I'm living a lie I never knew was a lie until it smacked me in the fucking face, the antidepressants aren't really working (I'm supposed to not feel much for a month, but it still isn't doing any good of late), I'm hurting my friends, family, and most of all, now more than ever, myself. Death is falling around me once again and this coming holiday/month, I'll be reminded of the worst....

Honestly, I wish I was dead...